A few days has already passed but the lessons and memories that I got from the Padayon Mindanao Youth Leadership Camp still remains. The fire of leadership is still burning and the eagerness to serve the community is still there. And it keeps on getting bigger.
The Padayon (meaning to continue) Mindanao YLC was spearheaded by the US Peace Corps and USAid in partnership with the LGU of Legazpi, DepEd, and DSWD (Not sure if I mentioned all the organizations already. Oh well). This was a youth camp held at Hotel Venezia from Nov. 3-10, 2013. I personally enjoyed the youth camp because it was a new experience for me. It was very memorable. Aside from the fact that our University made a banner congratulating Kuya Macky and I for being chosen as participants (which I found really funny by the way), this camp was special because I got to mingle with different people. Some older than me, some younger. But all are eager learners.
Whenever I feel down, I just think of all the people who believed and continuously believes in me. I don’t want to disappoint them. I don’t want people to look down on me and see a poor little girl who have reached failure. Pity is not something I easily take from people. But aside from that, I don’t want to disappoint myself. I have set the bars high for the things I want to achieve. And though people can try to discourage me, I have learned that nothing can ever affect me as long as I decide not to let it affect me at all. The mind can be honed in a way that you decide what to believe in, and what to disregard. And the heart can tell you when to fight for things, and when to concede the battle. As of now, I can see a lot of reasons for me to just let go and free myself of all the responsibilities that I am currently handling. But I chose to look away from all these and just focus on the one thing that kept me going throughout all my hardships: my goals. I need to focus on the goal. Though people are starting to become annoying, I’d rather use my time thinking of sensible things. Hating them would do me no good. Perhaps I can rant about it once in awhile, but then 60 seconds of complaining about the shortcomings of other people is a minute of wisdom that could have been shared with people who are more worthy of my time. I just need to focus. FOCUS.
Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako or malulungkot ako ng marinig ko yun. I mean when it comes to relationships, I don’t think I’m independent at all. I act strong, I act like I can carry myself with ease but truth is, I am really sheltered. And beneath that, is a weak person. Weaker than you think. I don’t know if it’s a gift, my skills in pretending to be independent, but I don’t want people to get used to that idea of me. Ayokong dumating yung araw na wala ng mag attempt na lumapit saakin kasi iisipin nila kaya ko na. It has always been like that. Perhaps, it’s my fault for driving people away. But what can I do? I can’t afford to get hurt just because of stupid relationships. I’m far too busy and preoccupied to think of petty issues like love and relationships. Sorry, but that’s how I see relationships (yung para sa ngayon.) I think they are distractions. But it’s funny, kasi kahit ganoon, I always end up losing. Even if I avoid people who are very much persistent in breaking through my walls, I always end up losing. Maybe that’s how my life would be. I will always lose. Because I suck at being strong and independent. And I’m too much of a coward to even accept that in public. Hahaha. Fact: Kahit na isulat ko to, my mind and concept about love and other stuff would not change. As is pa din, distraction pa din. Hindi pa din mababago pakikitungo ko sa iba, I would still be aloof. Kahit alam kong ako ang natalo, walang mababago. Kasi ganun ako. Matigas ang ulo.
I have been very busy lately, that’s why I chose to forego writing about the blog awards I received. But since I already received the same award for three times already, I decided to finally write about it. I would like to thank alyssareneeisthename, adorkableana and angchinitangpinay for nominating me in the Sunshine Awards. :) I will try my best to answer your questions. Okay lang? Okay! Hihi.
The Rules In accepting the Sunshine Award, the blogger must:
Acknowledge the nominating blogger.
Share 11 random facts.
Answer 11 questions from the nominating blogger.
List 11 bloggers to recommend. They should be bloggers you believe deserve some recognition and a little blogging love!
Post 11 questions for the bloggers you nominate, answer and let all the bloggers know they have been nominated.
You cannot nominate the blogger who nominated you.
11 Random Facts
I don’t know how to ride a bicycle. Yes, I know I’m lame.
I have a penchant for sunsets and traveling.
My special talents include: crossing my toes so that they can overlap each other and moving my ears so that it can creep you out.
I used to be a singer when I was younger. As in, yung biritera. Too bad I only retained my loud voice, not my singing voice.
I wear earphones even if when I’m not listening to any song.
Every year, I write my predictions. And based on the outcomes from my past predictions, I think I can already have a career in fortune telling.
I am one of the nicest people you can ever meet, but I can also turn to a monster when I’m angry.
I am obvious to people who shows me a hint of affection and I am in denial to people who tell me they like me.
I have this unhealthy habit of driving people away.
Watching movies and series can make me cry. Because I am the ultimate cry baby. LOL I think I cried in almost 80% of the movies I watched.
I am good at giving advice (my friends can testify) to people but I struggle in helping myself. That’s why I suck.
For the longest time, we were made to believe that if we put our heart in it, we can conquer everything and get the things we want.
Fact: We can’t.
Sometimes, having the heart and desire for something does not guarantee that you can have it. Sometimes you still need a little luck in order to get the things that you want. The heart can take us to somewhere, but sometimes it cannot suffice for other elements that are required to get your goals. I believe in moving mountains and dreaming big, but I also believe in fate and destiny. And sometimes, the things we want are not the things that are destined for us to have. Sometimes the things we want to accomplish does not coincide with our fate. I’m not writing this to crush your hopes and break your spirit, I’m saying this to put you back to reality. Yes our dreams, even the big ones, can be achieved. But we cannot focus in just achieving it. We have to claim it. We have to use our hearts, our minds, our body- everything, just to get what we want. But even if we put everything in, we should prepare for all possible outcomes. And that includes failing and not getting what we’ve worked hard for. Just be realistic. And just be resilient. If you are not destined to achieve this one goal, chances are, you’re fate lies in another one.
I will always be that friend who’s good at giving advice but is not capable of following it. We have heard stories about people like me, but no one fully understood, why people like me existed. Maybe you really can’t have everything. Maybe the gift of wisdom is not something you take on your own, but something you share with others. And that wisdom can only be retrieved from one’s personal experiences that’s why people like me always have the hardest downfall. People like me always get the worst seed. Sometimes I ask myself, is it fair that I am clueless with how to deal with my personal life when in fact, I had answers and solutions to the problems of other people? Why is that? I believe that what I have is a gift. And it delights me whenever people learn from the things that I say. Or when I make things easier for the people I care for. But there are times, and God were they many, when all I wanted was to give advice to myself. All I wanted was to solve my problems. And be there for myself. Just like how I was there for others.
Last October 20, I got to celebrate my eighteenth birthday. It was just a simple celebration. I invited friends for dinner at our house and we just played around and talked. It was a short breather for the USC since we have an upcoming event this week and it was also a mini reunion for my high school friends and the Team Bananas (our team who went to Korea last July) who have been very much busy with their own lives and problems in their respective colleges.
Super friends! :) Team BANANA, USC and my high school friends. <3
"I don’t know if it has ever occurred to you, but maybe we’re just waiting on each other. Maybe we already have something special, but we’re just too scared to say it, because maybe the words would just blow it off. Several moments has already passed where all I wanted to do is just take the time off and tell you I love you. But then when I think of the endless possibilities, not to mention several negative thoughts, I just shrug it off because I’d rather love you from a distance and see you happy than be outspoken and lose you along the way."
Yung feeling na sasabihan ka nila na maging open ka pero kapag may tig-share ka na, hindi ka papansinin.
Yung feeling na pag may sinasabi ka, hindi ka lang nila seseryosohin.
Yung feeling na wala ka ng ginagawa, ikaw pa rin ang pipikunin.
Yung feeling na kahit masama na loob mo, ikaw pa rin ang aasarin.
Yung feeling na kahit na inosente ka, pilit pa ring lalagyan ng malisya.
Yung feeling na gusto mong sabihin ang totoo, pero hindi na lang kasi alam mong hindi sila maniniwala.
Yung feeling na ginagawa mo na nga lahat, ikaw pa rin lalabas na masama.
Yung feeling na kaibigan mo sila, pero ang pakiramdam mo ikaw pa rin mag-isa.
Kaya siguro minsan may mga araw na gusto ko lang na magkulong sa kwarto. Wala naman talagang problema, o baka meron pero gusto ko lang talaga iwasan. Gusto ko lang iwasan kasi ang pakiramdam ko hindi ako worthy na makaramdam ng mga kung ano anong hinanakit sa buhay. Kasi ganun ang ipinapamukha saakin ng mga tao. Hindi ako galit, hindi ako nagtatampo. Siguro lumalabas lang pagka-over thinker ko. Pero hindi niyo naman ako masisisi, kasi hindi naman kayo ang nakakaramdam. Ako nakikita ko, nararamdaman ko at kahit ano pa sabihin ng ibang tao alam ko sa sarili ko kung ano ang totoo. Kasi pagkalipas ng araw, ikaw lang mag-isa. Kaya kahit sabihan ako ng ibang tao na “Okay lang yan” hindi yan magiging okay. Kasi hindi naman sila ako. Ako lang talaga ang makakapagsabi na okay na ang lahat. Ako lang ang makakapagsabi nun kasi ako lang ang nakakaramdam noon. Lahat ng tao may pinagdadaanang problema. Kaya hindi ko na sasabihin sainyo kung ano ang problema ko. Siguro mas malala pa talaga ang problema ng ibang tao kesa sa akin kaya pinagpala pa rin ako. Pero kahit na sabihin nating mas maswerte ako sa ibang tao, ganun pa rin ang nararamdaman ko. Andoon pa rin ang pakiramdam ko na may kulang, may mali, may nawawala. At tanging ako lang ang makakatulong sa sarili ko. Hindi kayo.
Hindi ako nagrereklamo kapag hindi niyo sinerseryoso ang mga sinasabi ko, pero sana lang yung katahimikan ko ay magawa niyo ring irespeto.
Yun lang ibigay niyo sa akin, promise, hindi na tayo magkakagulo.