I just hope that when we go forth our lives you will realize that not everyone hated you, that you were just being the old paranoid you, that whatever they said was just constructive criticisms, that at the end of the day all they wanted was for you to be better. And like what I’ve said before, words are just words. And I can write you a novel or something, but no matter how many words I put in it would all depend on how you give meaning to it. Words can never define a person, but it can either motivate you or bring you down. Whatever you choose, you choose it for yourself. And you can never blame anyone for that.

Of the billions and millions of people roaming around this planet that we call Earth, there would be a lot of people who would try to tear you apart. They will break you and crush you and torment you for all they care. You will get hurt, and you will feel pain- a great amount of pain from people who may or may not matter that much. Selfish people exist, and yes, we do not live in a perfect world.

If it hasn’t sunk in to you yet or you just want to get a repeated dose of reality, then here: WE ARE ALL DOOMED TO LIVE A LIFE OF NEVER ENDING TRIALS AND DEVASTATING CHANGES BECAUSE THE WORLD IS IMPERFECT AND IT’S DEFINITELY NOT FAIR. The world is filled with cruel people. Crueler than you could ever imagine. And in the billions existing, only a thousand would comprise the ones who want to bring you down.

But do you really think they’re important? Do you think every single person of the one thousand people would really be able to inflict that much pain to you? And do you really think you would carry that same amount of pain forever?

No.

I don’t think so. Because in that one thousand, only a hundred or may be a fewer would matter. And only a few would last for a reasonable amount of time.

Pain is inevitable. It’s all around us. Just like what I’ve said, the world is an imperfect place. But then again, we get to choose who inflicts the greatest pain in our lives. If a stranger calls you ugly, you will not bother that much. But if someone special tells you that, for sure, you will feel heartbroken. Same scenario, different people, different degree of pain. Because if someone really does matter, then we would really be affected by what they say or do. 

Truth betold: We have a say on who can hurt us and who would hurt us more. 

The world is an imperfect place filled with imperfect people creating imperfect scenarios just to give someone an imperfect life. And that’s enough reason for you to fall apart. But then we are the masters of our life. And we get to have a say on who matters and who doesn’t. If those imperfect people are causing you unreasonable pain, then leave them.

Someone who recently got his heart broken asked me, “Until when will I feel this pain, when will i stop crying?”

My answer was simple: Until you tell yourself to suck it up and carry on. 

You can never stop people from hurting you. And you can never stop yourself from feeling the pain that you’re supposed to feel. But you can always choose who would hurt you and until when you would feel hurt. Because we are the masters of our lives, and we have the power to choose the things that would count.

Despite the world’s imperfections, there would still be those who are happy inhabiting it. Despite the many trials one encounters, there would still be those who would rise up to be as glorious and triumphant. Yes, You can argue that they might be happy people by nature or they were born strong and destined to be great.

But I say, they have just mastered the art of dealing with pain.

Situation: If you don’t want to ride a bike, then you can’t ride one. Simply because you don’t know how to ride one and that’s because you never  tried.

We set our own limits, we build our own walls. If you say you can’t do something then you won’t be able to do it. That’s for certain. But if you say you can do something, and if you put your heart in it, then you will be able to find ways to do it. Just like the first law of motion, if there is no force, then there will be no changes in the speed or position of the object. If you don’t exert effort to achieve the things you want to have in life, then you will never improve, you will never move.

We have a say on the things that we are capable of doing and the things that we will do. Which makes us responsible for whatever that would happen to us in the future. Because in one way or another, we have decided on what our future will be. What will happen to us in the future will depend on what we want to happen to us today.

Here are the things, mostly cliche, that I don’t believe in and that has left me wondering why they even exist. 

• I don’t believe in love at first sight.
  Love goes beyond the physical appearances of people. You could be attracted to someone without falling in love with him/her. But you can always love someone without completely being attracted to him/her.  I think people should love with their hearts, not with their eyes. Because our eyes can deceive us from time to time.
• I don’t believe in the saying “first love never dies”
  Love is not a race on who would be the first boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes true love can be found somewhere in the middle even the last. But it’s not about who you’re with now or who you were with in the past, It’s about who you’re with the last. Because if the love you share is not genuine. then it wouldn’t definitely last. I fell in love once, and I’m still waiting to fall in love again. I know in my heart I have moved on and that I’m no longer infatuated with that person before. 
• I no longer don’t believe in daysaries/monthsaries/special love holidays.
  Yes, once upon a time in my life I did celebrate monthsaries with my special someone but if I could just take it back I would because  that was so childish. Love should not be measured by the days you spend together, it’s measured by the things that you have shared. Counting the days that you’re together is like having a countdown of you’re relationship. Like waiting for a time bomb to explode, like waiting for a deadline- an expiration date. People should just let Love work on its magic and savor the moments that they are together. Besides, love doesn’t require a specific date for you to show someone how you feel.  
• I don’t believe in Valentine’s.
  This is quite debatable since I do celebrate Valentine’s with people I love. My friends to be specific. But still, I think giving out flowers, chocolates and stuffed toys on Valentine’s is just an excuse people use to spend some money and gain “pogi points” for the ladies.  Others just celebrate it because everyone else does. I mean, if you have genuine love for someone, then show them you love them on an ordinary day. Valentine’s is not a holiday for couples to celebrate and single people to curse. In fact, it’s not even a holiday,for me it’s just another normal day.
• I don’t believe in soul mates.
  There’s no such thing as a perfect match. There will come a time that you would love someone whom you would disagree and fight with. You would be dysfunctional together- but that’s okay. You would love each other still. Because that’s true love. We keep on picturing our soul mates thinking that they are like this and that, that you will be doing this and that. But I think the more we think of our soul mates the lesser our chances of finding them. There is no perfect match for us, just the right person.
• I don’t believe in “forever”.
  I explained it here before. Forever is not a promise we make.It is something we act on everyday. That is why I don’t believe people who claim to love someone forever because it has infinite possibilities. And in that infinity, problems and break ups will eventually arise. Every day should be considered as a forever for the both of you. 
• I don’t believe in SWEET words and promises.
  “I will wait for you.” “I’ll love you forever” “You will always be the one” — Obviously these statements have been abused for quite some time now. Yes it may sound nice but i’ve heard it before and no one stood by what they said so I don’t believe in it anymore. Not to sound bitter or anything, but it would be better if people just did it instead of just promising anything.
  

But if there’s something I believe in, it would be LOVE. Genuine love. I don’t believe in the things stated above because for me, those are just add-ons. They do not give meaning to love. They do not give justice to love. It just complicates the true essence of love. Love is supposed to be a great thing yet people throw it away like it’s nothing. Love in its simplest form can be found in the simple actions one makes. It does not require grand romantic gestures. It does not require a formula to make it work. It does not require standards or physical abilities. It only requires a sincere heart. A heart that will do, not a heart that will say. Because we love with actions, not with words. A lot of people forget that. They attach different things to love- dates, standards, flowers, promises, chocolates etc. but love is not felt with the day you spend or the things you receive, It is felt with the sincerity in your actions. 

Some people are wondering why it’s so hard for me to open my heart to someone new. I guess, you can find the answers here. I am not opening my heart to anyone right now because no one has shown me true love yet. If I would love again, I want it to be someone who has understood me and my idea of love. Because I love love. And I don’t want anyone to mess it up for me.

we may try to escape it, but life has its way of slapping you with the truth. 

We’re all scared of dying when in fact we’ll all be facing the same fate. Maybe not tomorrow, or the year after, but  it’s fair to say that we will die . And life is like that. One moment you’re alive and kicking and in the next you’re numb to all of it. You get snatched away from this opportunity to do things and experience new things. But the problem is not dying, it’s living. It’s how you live with borrowed time. How you make the most out of every second. Everyone can breathe, but not everyone can live. 

And I don’t want to be lying in my deathbed and think of every single thing i wish i could have done. i don’t want to regret anything. i hate regrets. and i don’t want to be haunted by the wrong choices i’ve made or did not make and the things i could have said but chose to keep to myself. 

so i think, it’s not death that i’m scared of. it’s missing out on life.

yea. goodnight. 

Every day for me is just like any other day. Sometimes I get a little excited, but most of the time I’m just hanging— waiting for something good to happen. Dreaming of something good that could happen in my life. I would often hear people talk about the difference of having a dream and living one. If you want something, you do things to achieve it. You don’t sit there waiting for a miracle to happen. Dreams are as good as reality as long as we are willing to some action. But no matter how many times I hear it, it just hasn’t sunk into me yet. They are simply words ringing in my head. Good advices that are put to waste just because I’m not yet ready to take on the next big step.

The big step scares me. Maybe because I know how bad my decision making skills are. And I don’t know how or when I’ll know if it’s time to take on the next level. Sometimes I would feel like I’m ready for it, but then people would start doubting my capabilities and I would start to doubt myself too. That has always been a weakness of mine. I was never that confident even if some people thought I was. I easily get conscious and as soon as I see people talking, I immediately think that it’s me they’re talking about. And I guess it’s the fear of failure and rejection that holds me back from achieving the dreams that I have. I don’t want people to look at me and say “We knew you wouldn’t make it”. That would definitely break me. So instead of just going for it, I just sit and wait. Like the coward person that I am.

But things aren’t always like this you know. There were instances in my life when I did took the risk. It might not be a lot, but it’s still something. Did I regret it? No. Was it worth all my effort? Definitely.  I can still remember the times when I had willingly sacrificed the things that I have just for the sake of my dreams. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth the risk. Perhaps one factor that influenced me in taking the big step was the people surrounding me. They were kind enough to support my decisions, and they never, for a single moment, doubted me in the course of my journey.

For some reason I lost that eagerness in me. That passion and courage to take on the great challenges to achieve an even greater life. Perhaps it’s because I over think. Or maybe I’m just too naive. It could be the people around me, or the circumstances in my life. But whatever the reason is, I still lose in the end. I have dreams— big dreams actually. And I would do everything just to achieve it. But without the proper mindset, proper attitude and proper motivation, all these visions and efforts would remain futile.

The big step, the way I see it, is at the edge of a mountain. With a location so high, you wouldn’t know what to feel anymore. Perhaps, you’d be happy because you’ve reached that far, or you could be scared because you’re already that far and falling would definitely break limbs.

I’m feeling the latter one obviously. I’m in the middle of something so great but I’m just too scared to go all out for it. Maybe in time I would be willing to take on the next step and go higher. All I could do now is take everything in and pray to that Big Guy up there. I should probably start believing in myself more and start caring less about what other people say. For the mean time, as I continue to battle with my insecurities, I would just stay here for awhile, in the mountain where I am left hanging. 

(Source: littlemissinym)

11:16— I know that I only have one voice. Just one. And compared to them, I’m nothing. But if my ONE voice could make a difference, i’m glad to take the risk and put myself in the middle of this whole discussion. Not because of the recognition but because I care. I care for each one of them. I know I have my shortcomings and I know that it’s too late if I try to settle things now (now that they already hate each other) but it won’t let this moment pass without me trying to do what is right. Doing the good things is not easy, but it definitely feels good. One voice could make a difference. And they may not look at each other the way they looked before, but I still hope that there’s room for forgiveness in their hearts. I’ll do my best to help.  I’m ready to take the next big step because this is one thing I won’t regret it in the end. 

Lord it’s just me now, but with you I’m definitely not alone. I surrender everything to you.

11:52- Life is full of amazing things and it scares me to think that I might not be able to see all of its wonders.  I want to discover new places meet different people, try different things. I want to get a glimpse of what the world is for others. I want to see life in a different perspective. Maybe in that way I would be able to feel life and see its true beauty.. I believe life is not the mere existence of people. Life is beyond that. Life is being one with people, being one with the world. It is understanding things and sometimes questioning it. Life is full of wonder. But it scares me because I might not understand or I might not get the answers. I might not see the world, I might not feel the true essence of life.

Sometimes it just scares me because I know I’m not as strong as the others. I’m weak, young, and fragile. But I’d like to believe that life is so full of wonders and that it’s just waiting for me to see all of its beauty. Someday, I’ll take over the world. That’s my ultimate wish in my bucketlist.

my most dreaded question every after midnight.